What gift would my pregnant friend love?

It’s time we normalised giving our pregnant friends and family gifts that will actually be helpful!

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that human beings absolutely CANNOT resist buying adorable onesies, toys and faff for babies: but what’s the difference between a great gift and a donated disaster?

Baby shower, Christmas, birthday: what’s the best gift for my pregnant friend?

At the average baby shower, you won’t actually be able to move for rompers, muslins and baby-gros with adorable patterns on them. 

That generosity is such a wonderful thing… except that once the party is over, that gorgeous gift is just another outfit to add to the washing pile (along with the 45 others). 

And it’ll be outgrown in a month, and need to be stored somewhere or sold or passed on… 

All of a sudden that beautiful gift becomes a clutter hazard and a hassle to a by-now-new-mum who is sleep deprived, overwhelmed and sitting in between piles of washing that need to be done.  

The problem is not the generosity; it’s a core part of human culture to celebrate the transition into parenthood by showering gifts on to the mother-to-be. Buying lovely adorable things is a lovely adorable thing to do. 

But anyone that’s been pregnant, birthed and raised a baby will tell you that it’s not always a lovely and adorable experience.

Some days, it’s bloody hard work physically, emotionally and logistically. No number of reindeer onesies are going to help a new mother deal with that. 

Why are some pregnancy gifts better than others?

Google ‘best baby shower gifts’ and pages of click-bait enticing lists will appear, enticing you with the promise that their selection really does tick every box on your pregnant pal’s must-have list. 

And it may well do that, because right now she might not have the benefit of hindsight and is still imagining the idyll of parenthood rather than living the reality of it… and the marketing agencies know that. Hence the lists appearing at the top of Google. 

I could rant for ages about the moral ethics of marketing companies who sell to parents-to-be, but I won’t (not today anyway…). But what I will say is this: while your generosity and desire to buy is rooted in wanting to celebrate your pregnant family and friends, their strategies care about the profit margin. 

This is a relationship that is not mutually beneficial. 

Every waking hour of my life is devoted to baby life: whether it's through my antenatal teaching, doula support or my own family life, I am keenly aware of the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and parenthood. 

And what has my own hindsight taught me? 

That there is only one hard and fast rule to consider when buying a gift for your pregnant loved one: 

What will make their life easier? 

Four gifts your pregnant friends & family will ACTUALLY love this year…

Whether they’ve got a bump, a birth-plan or a baby, focusing on that emotions and challenges your friend or family member may be dealing with will help you to choose a gift that they’ll really benefit from: 

1: “I’d love a doula but who can afford that?!” 

The research has been done and the numbers don’t lie: having a doula by your side during pregnancy & birth increases the likelihood of a more positive birth & postnatal journey. But this sort of skilled help doesn’t come cheap…

Buying a gift voucher (either alone or as a group of friends to increase your contribution) to help them pay for the birth or postnatal doula support they’d love will make an enormous difference to their experience of birth & early parenthood.

2: “I just want to do what’s right…”
Having a baby changes brains (that’s actual science), priorities and routines and for people of our generation, who have been raised to have complete independence and faith in ourselves, that level of shift can be really unsettling. Especially if it’s unsupported.

A session of pregnancy & parent-centred life-coaching will help your loved one find a sense of control and confidence which will transform their experience of pregnancy and parenthood. 

3: “I feel like I’ve lost myself since having a baby…” 

In our world, how we live and how we look define us. Having a baby changes both of those things and can leave a new mum in limbo, able to remember who she was but unable to figure out who she now is or how to work with the body she now has… and this can feel like a lot.

The Postnatal Pamper is a beautiful event that’ll remind your pregnant pal just how incredible she is, give her the TLC she deserves and some special time with her baby to boot.  

4: “I am so tired and lethargic, but who has time to cook?”

What we eat matters. It affects our energy, our healing, our emotions and our ability to help others and that’s so bloody important during the postnatal period. But cooking and eating the nutritious foods is often the last thing on the list.

Taking the pressure away from what to eat and how to cook is an incredible gift to give; whether you use postnatal friendly recipes to create your own freezer friendly gifts, a subscription to a postnatal friendly food delivery service, or the time and support of a postnatal doula that understands your loved one’s nutritional needs, this is a gift that they’ll always remember.

So whether you’re looking for a Christmas, birthday or baby shower gift, let your incredible generosity become a help, not a hindrance, to your pregnant friend and family.

And if they already have these four things, why not take a look at this checklist of 20 essentials that they might not have thought about yet…