What do I need to know about pregnancy?
Finding out you’re pregnant is one of those life defining moments that leaves you utterly excited but equally terrified.
You’re creating life, from scratch! That’s the most powerful thing in the world… so why do you feel so clueless?
Everyone knows about the peeing on the stick, about telling your doctor, about getting a midwife appointment, a scan, a pram and all of that jazz. We are raised on a diet of ‘just you waits’ and ‘don’t bother withs’ that probably comes from a kind place, but ends up scaring and confusing the bejeezus out of everyone.
We know that.
But what no-one ever talks about, no one ever shouts from the roof tops or jokes about at baby showers is that the most important thing in all of this, is how you feel.
Yep, we could put loads of jokes in here about how you’re a hormonal mess that doesn’t know how you feel most of the time, but I’m not going to do that.
For one simple reason: you’re hormonal for a reason. You don’t know how you’re feeling, for a reason.
And that reason is that you’re creating life from scratch.
Our society sells us the idea that pregnancy makes us silly, irrational and therefore, unimportant.
I am here to tell you that that sentiment is bullshit.
You matter. Your emotions matter. Your instincts matter.
They’re evidence of nature working it’s magic and proof that you were born for this!
During pregnancy, your brain undergoes massive changes to prepare you for life as a mum; yeah your brain might technically shrink, but that’s not you getting more stupid. It’s your body’s way of sharpening your ability to empathise and respond to the non-verbal cues of your baby.
Pretty clever right?
And in the cave-man era this would be totally fine because as your attention narrowed to the baby, your tribe’s focus would narrow to you. They’d make sure you ate right, slept when you were able to, had a shoulder to cry on and protect you when you were at your most vulnerable etc. In short, they’d consider your needs to allow you to consider your baby’s. Everyone was happy and catered for.
Except we don’t live in tribes now. We live in isolation… but our bodies don’t know that. So, as nature takes us into ourselves and puts the focus onto the wellbeing of our small ones, our needs our shrink into the background.
And if society doesn’t question that, neither do we…
Before we know it, we start saying things like “I feel like I’ve lost myself,” and “before the baby I was…”
Getting into small but powerful self-care habits from the start of pregnancy will help you (and those around you) to make sure your needs are met as your parenting adventure becomes more challenging.
Notice your instincts: research suggests that the experience and learning of every mother on your blood line lies within your instincts. Acknowledge it. If you inexplicably feel like doing something, eating something or avoiding something, recognise that you hold a lot of wisdom and value in your gut instincts.
Question the niggles: if something doesn’t sit right with you, investigate it. Why don’t you like it? What triggered it? What could fix it? Instincts drive our parenting actions: they help us to find the right fit for our family. But that doesn’t always fit with a modern culture that has its own norms and pressures. Finding your balance between instincts and modern learning is the key to a happy parent: that balance doesn’t come easy, so practising it from early on in pregnancy can really help.
Sharing helps caring: while we have been raised to value our independence, now is the time to start practising tipping the balance and asking for the kind of help you want when you need it. It might be asking your mum to pick up some milk for you, or asking a friend to check in on you over the weekend. However you do it, getting in the habit of asking for small favours now, will make it a million times easier to do when your baby arrives.
Remember the why: during pregnancy, we expect our bodies to change, but we don’t always expect our lives and minds to change as well. Of course, it’s the nature’s way of preparing us for parenthood… but that doesn’t mean these changes don’t come as a shock sometimes. If and when this happens, notice them rather than dismissing or overriding them. Remember why they’re happening and respect your need to sleep more, or your need for peace and quiet more, just as much as you respect that beautiful bump you’re growing.
And finally remember that YOU are at the heart of all.
This is what lies at the core of every birth planning workshop, antenatal class, birth and postnatal doula support package I offer. If this sounds like something you’d like, get in touch. My inboxes are always open and I’d love to chat about how personalised support through pregnancy and birth will help to make you the parent you were born to be.
