Information & Instinct: six steps to a feel-safe birth

“I need to be in the hospital, just to be safe.” This was my birth plan mantra both times.

And even now, knowing all that I know about the rising rates of birth trauma revolving around hospital births and the interventions and what not, the only thing I would change would be the wording.  

I’d replace ‘be’ with ‘feel’.

Because from what I’ve learnt, sometimes it’s not the statistics that matter; it’s gut instinct.

Birth plans are one of the most powerful things a pregnant person can have going into labour. And don’t misunderstand me: birth statistics are a vital tool when you’re writing a birth plan.

Understanding the big picture about what’s going wrong (and sometimes right!) locally, nationally and internationally is bloody important. Knowledge is power, after all, and birth plans are all about you expressing that power of choice.  

But statistics show trends. And you, my friend, are neither a trend nor a percentage. You are a pregnant person.

Pregnant people are unique beyond description (but since this is a blog, I’ll give it a good go). 

You see, an individual by themselves carries with them a set of conditions, experiences and mindsets that they’ve gained over the course of their lives - everything we live makes us who we are. 

This is what we use to make our decisions: what do we eat at Christmas? What do we do about spiders? Do we ride rollercoasters? All of these decisions are rooted somewhere in a past experience. 

When you become pregnant, another layer is added to this: a protective layer. You’ve got another life to think about. A life that started at their conception, and which carries its own set of conditions and experiences (Was this pregnancy planned? How was the first trimester? Has everything gone smoothly?). 

Thus, the uniqueness of your experience as an individual multiplies when you become pregnant as the things you have in the background of your decision making have also multiplied.  

So why does this uniqueness matter?

Well, I return to my original statement: statistics show trends which focus on what works (or not!) for the majority.

When it comes to birth, statistics and information of that ilk are used to show what is safe (and what is risky too, come to that) based on the majority. And that’s great if what we’re looking at is overall outcomes for a mass of human beings.

But when it comes to our birth, for our baby, our of our body, we are no longer dealing with a mass of people. We’re looking at the individual. And therefore we have to consider our own uniquenesses when we’re writing our birth plans because they are our document.  

Look at it from a rollercoaster perspective. You are statistically more likely to die from a lightning strike (10 million to 1) than a rollercoaster (300 million to 1). And yet, I am more comfortable standing outside my house in a raging thunderstorm than I am in the queue for Nemesis at Alton Towers (seriously, my Fitbit told me my heart rate was 128bpm before we got on!) 

Why? Because I am shit scared of heights, speed and generally being out of control. Plus, I’ve watched Final Destination 3.  I went on it because my sister pressured me into it. Sure, I knew I *was* safe, but did I feel safe? Hell no. Every instinct I had was telling me that this was a bad thing to be doing, but I did it anyway.         

And lo, the difference between being and feeling safe becomes important for birth.

I shall sum it up in one word for you: oxytocin.

Now, we all know that birth is unpredictable, unknowable even. It could take any given path or any route. But the thing that is always consistent is that  for it to run as smoothly as Nature ever intended, you need oxytocin. That’s a non-negotiable. 

Oxytocin helps all the bits of your body to do the things they need to do to birth your baby. But it’s not automatic. Oxytocin is released best when you feel loved and happy. Those emotions can only come about when you feel safe. Your brain couldn’t give a monkeys what the statistics say about induction or c-section or homebirth at this point. During birth, you’re functioning on a primal level and your brain is not tuned into those numbers. It’s relying on its experiences and its uniqueness to find its safe zone to produce that oxytocin. 

If it can’t find the safe zone, oxytocin will simply NOT flow as well as it should and that can affect your labour. And so when you’re writing your birth plan, you need to be thinking about what is going to get you feeling safe so that the oxytocin can flow.    

Now, if you’re a purist you might say at this point that the logical thing then is to ignore the information completely; that statistics shouldn’t matter for the individual. 

But I don’t think that’s right either. To do that is to go into birth instinctively aware, but pathway blind: in other words, to rely on instinct without knowing what options your instinct has to choose from. 

In my mind, that’s just as bad as following the statistics blindly. Just as following the massive trends ignores your individual preferences and needs to feel safe, so the instinctive option ignores information and facts that could feed your judgement of safety.  

No, for a truly feel-safe birth in this modern world there’s only one thing for it: proper balance between the information and our instinct.   

Six steps to a feel-safe-oxytocin-boosting birth plan. 

Birth is unpredictable, but that doesn’t mean it has to feel panicked and unsafe.

Work through these steps before your birth plan appointment with your midwife to feel calm, controlled and confident about your choices.

1. Get the 3 Ps early on: have a chat with your midwife about the people, places and policies that are likely to be important for your birth. Which hospitals, MLUs, birth centres and home-birth teams will be open to you? How many birth partners are allowed? What are the policies around induction, c-sections, post-EDD deliveries etc? 

2. Make factual recordings of these. You might record this conversation (totally legal by the way) so you don’t have to remember all of this, or you could make notes by hand. However you do it, make sure you’ve got a record of your options so that baby brain won’t confuse you later on.

3. Look inwards. When you have the headspace to do it, dedicate some time to thinking about the information you have got. Then, see where your instincts take you. Which keep popping into your head? Which make a bubble or knot appear in your tummy? These are the ones that make you feel unsafe and which you need your instinct to act on.

4. Do some research: focus on those sticking points you discovered when you looked inwards and research the statistics and facts on them. Make sure you look for the pros and the cons, the rights and the wrongs - balance is important. Websites such as AIMS is a great place to start.

5. Look inwards again: now you know the ‘facts’ and the trends, how do you feel about it? What scares you and how could this be levelled out? Or if that’s not possible, how can you work your way around it. Remember, this is your birth and every single thing is your choice. Talking to your partner or health-care provider may work here, or it might help to have someone impartial to bounce ideas off so that no emotional or practical bias influences your instinct.

6. Set it in stone: write it down: once you have expressed that clear wish, it must be respected (this is LAW!) so you can rest assured that it is likely that you will be able to access that safe-zone when in the later stages of pregnancy or when you’re in labour.

This can be shared with your midwife at that 34-36 week birth plan antenatal appointment, making sure your wishes are communicated clearly and effectively in the short time you’ve got.

And that, my friends, is always the goal because once you’ve made your wishes clear, they have to be respected. Fact.