A lot can change in any year but introduce a baby into the mix and that transformation is mega!

But other than a lot more love and a lot less sleep, what other changes can you expect to see?

I’m talking about the changes that are so subtle, you won’t notice them happening until they’re part of you.

One year from now, something will make you reflect. You’ll look back over the last 365 days of your life and say something along the lines of: ‘wow, I’ve come a long way!” 

I do this all the time.

My daughter loves looking at photo albums; she asks me who the people are and what they’re doing or why we were doing them. I love these little sessions; she’s fascinated by a world that didn’t include her or her sister, and I love reminding myself of the carefree existence I occupied, even if it is slightly uncomfortable.

Let me be clear, it’s not uncomfortable because I didn’t like my past life or I don’t like my life now. I wouldn’t swap either for all the caffeinated drinks in Starbucks. 

Of course, I recognise the hair, the clothes, the face and the friends of the old me that peers out from the pages of the albums and can vividly remember the nights out, and the adventures she has had. But she feels like a close distant relative: someone I know and love, but who I no longer feel connected with. 

The funny thing is, now I know what I know, it doesn’t make me feel sad; this disconnect is not a failure or a sign of being broken: this is a sign that I have transformed into a my new form.

Everyone who makes the transition from person to parent undergoes some sort of seismic shift. Not because Instagram or BabyCenter tells us to, but because it’s part of our lifecycle. 

Just as we naturally learn to walk and talk and eat by ourselves and sleep independently (yes, it will happen eventually), becoming parents naturally adds to our skill set. 

There is this assumption that pregnancy and parenthood depletes us and makes us stupid: this is not the case. 

During pregnancy, research has shown the maternal brain loses grey matter, but this is not us becoming more stupid.

Nature is simply refining our skill set, making us more empathetic and focused on others; we are preparing to be focused on another human being more than ourselves.

And when the baby’s born, these changes continue: surges in prolactin boost the maternal, mothering instincts of birthing parents. Other caregivers undergo changes too: close contact with the infant reduces aggression-based testosterone, higher levels of hormones associated with love and bonding.

These hormones aren’t accidental: they’re nature's way of changing the way we feel and act to make sure that we shift our focus from us, to our babies. 

It’s nature ensuring that the human race doesn’t just survive, but thrives. 

But in the same way that we don’t wake up on the morning of our first birthday able to walk and talk, nor do we suddenly become this new person the moment our baby is born. The change is gradual and cumulative; a subtle shift that happens to us as we transition from person to parent.

The hormonal shift in our bodies that slowly morphs our brains, are not the concrete, time or ceremony defined events that we associate with an identity shift. 

And so when they start happening, and we start realising that they’re happening, this can lead to a sense of confusion. 

You see it on social media on the time: 

“I feel like I’ve lost myself…”

“Who even am I any more…”

“Recognising myself in the mirror is hard now…” 

Now, I understand the biology behind these changes and I see them happening every single day. But that doesn’t stop me feeling that way too. 

Hand on heart, I can honestly say I’ve said every single one of those sentences more times than I can count. I might have been able to rationalise it afterwards, and talk myself out of the spiral of anxiety and sadness, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced it, repeatedly, first hand. 

But I also believe that these emotions shouldn’t be a rite of passage into parenthood: knowledge is power, after all, and knowing the ways that you and your life are most likely to change can make all the difference to how you feel about the ‘new you’ when you meet them in a year’s time. 

Perspective: a baby changes the way you see the world…

This time next year, your existence is no longer about you, but about your baby. From pregnancy vitamins to the walks you go on, do not be surprised if your first though is what’s best for baby before your own needs. Thinking this way is not you losing yourself; it’s you acting instinctively to ensure your baby thrives.  

Routine: a baby changes the way you live your life…  

This time next year, you may well be skipping pub lunches that don’t match with naptime or leaving parties before bedtime. But that doesn’t don’t necessarily mean you’re a slave to routine who sacrifices their own life; you’re in a phase of life where you’re focused on a small human’s needs. Babies have zero concept of time and prefer to march to the beat of their own drum; do not be surprised if you fall in line. If responding to those needs with a boundaried routine is what feels right for you, then you crack on!   

Relationships: a baby changes the way you feel about other people… 

This time next year, you may find yourself becoming frustrated with people who don’t understand or respect the changes you’re dealing with. You might feel envious of people who haven’t adapted to changes in the same way as you have. Tensions or conflicts between friends, families and couples as they transition into their new post-baby-selves is really common; the key to resolving them is not to create right-wrong labels, but to find the time to talk and relate to each other’s experiences, to connect and support each other. 

Free time: a baby changes your definition of ‘time well spent’…

This time next year, the way you choose to spend your free time may well look different too. An afternoon once spent at the gym may morph into a supermarket run or a play in the park; what was once a night at the cinema, may become a few hours on the sofa with a packet of biscuits. While these moments might not be as instagrammable, the change reflects the fact that your life is no longer the same. It’s neither good, nor bad, just different.

So, to conclude…

In a year from now, your life will have changed enormously BUT that doesn’t mean it’s become worse.

The key to embracing the changes that pregnancy and parenthood brings is taking the time to understand them and what they mean for you. You are unique and this time next year you and your life will have adapted to suit the life your family needs to live at that point. That’s the magic of the human race; we evolve so beautifully (at times!).

Preparing for that will make all the difference: my private antenatal classes, birth and postnatal doula services, and Sounding Board (life coaching for parents!) sessions are totally personalised you and your needs. Why? So that you get the time, space and support you deserve to navigate this journey with a smile. 

Interested? Get in touch! My inboxes are always open and I’d love to hear from you.