“I’m pregnant: what now?”
“Holy fuck!” A brief sit down. A few deep breaths and then…
“… what now?”
In the 30 seconds after the two blue lines appeared on that pregnancy test, I’d already ridden an emotional rollercoaster: shock, awe, calm and then the almighty desire to ‘do’ being pregnant… but with absolutely no idea what that meant.
Sound familiar?
With pregnancy tests being over 99% accurate and more easy to come by than a bag of frozen broccoli (or so my Tesco order tells me), the vast majority of parents-to-be discover their pregnancies on their own turf and on their own terms. Quietly. Secretly. Without interruption.
And don’t get me wrong, this is a very special moment that should be personal and private.
But it’s also worth remembering that us millennials are curious beasts that are just the tiniest bit obsessed with ‘doing’ things, and not just that, but doing them right.
In other words, not screwing it up!
But the problem is that we spend our time talking dream jobs, dream weddings, dream travel opportunities… we don’t often talk about the nitty-gritty of anything. We avoid those practical topics, the what to do when chatter and so we just don’t know about some key things. Never is this more felt than when we find out we might be growing a whole new person. And the pregnancy panic sets in as we ask ourselves: what do I do now?
And so there we are. Sitting on a toilet in a towel, swearing to ourselves as we look at a wee covered stick, overcomes with a desperate desire to start doing and doing it right, but not knowing in any way shape or form what that right is.
I remember it well. I was utterly clueless. But in the time that has passed, I’ve learnt a few things.
And if I could go back and give my poor shivering little shocked self some hints and tips, these would be them:
Breathe: have you taken this moment in yet? Probably not, so set a timer (a minute, maybe two) to just sit and absorb this moment, the moment you discovered you were pregnant, for yourself. You will never get this snippet of time again.
Think: what matters to you right now? There will be a million pregnant thoughts racing through your head so maybe write them down. Then prioritise what matters to you: doing another test? Telling someone? Going for a walk? Setting up a Pintrest board? Whatever they are, allow your brain to digest them and settle into this new reality.
Prepare to share: who, what, where, when and why? Listen to that inner voice on this one. You may not want to share the news at all and if that is the case, that’s totally fine! But if you do, think about who you want those people to be (not who they should be - you’re pregnant now remember, you call the shots) and pace yourself! You owe no-one anything at this point and the only people you need to tell, are the ones you want to tell. Then consider where, when and how you want to break the news so that you do your moment justice.
Research: what are your antenatal support options? Here in the UK, the NHS recommends contacting your doctor as soon as you can once you get a positive test so that you can be registered with a midwife and your antenatal support scheduled. There are lots of benefits to this: regular checks, vaccinations, scans and free prescriptions. But, this is not law. It is advice and if you choose to delay this contact, or even avoid it all together, that is absolutely your right. A quick scan of the medical advice in your area will summarise your choices and, if your gut instinct doesn’t show you the way, then a chat with a knowledgable third-party (a one-off parent mentoring session, perhaps?) will help you to find your way with confidence.
Follow: find your vibe and what you need to know? So you’ve done the properly practical bits, now it’s time to really get to grips with the adventure you’ve embarked on. Pregnancy is a learning journey: your body, your mind, your relationship - you name it, you’re going to discover some stuff! And as we all know, knowledge is power. But it’s also not a one-size-fits-all affair and there are a million different ways to do pregnancy right. Finding a solid knowledge source that speaks your language can be totally lifechanging, so start searching. Social media is a great place to start and Instagram (follow me, if you like), Substack, Tiktok have some great content creators that will give you valuable nuggets of knowledge to help you become the awesome parent that you are destined to be.
Or, you could ignore all of this and do nothing more than you already are!
That’s the joy of pregnancy: everything is your call. But if you do find yourself feeling compelled to ‘do’, I’d encourage you to look inwards for guidance. You come from a long line of people who’ve said, “I’m pregnant!”; their knowledge is ingrained in your instincts and you do know what to do.
Don’t feel the pressure to rush. Take your time, think about what feels right and then act.
You won’t screw it up: you’ll smash it!
After all, you were born for this.